WTF Did we do on the 2nd Day?

In between the first and second day of the program, I was on my own. I did my stretches, I ate my gluten free, dairy free, soy free food, I wrote down my blocks of time and when I felt the most pain, etc. I was ready for day two.
The second day of the program each week is dedicated to individual meetings with the therapists. I was very interested to see how these meetings would enhance the new information I had gathered on the first day. I only had half an hour with each person and felt like I wanted to tell them everything that was wrong with me and everything that I had already done in each of these areas over the years and have them lead me into the light.
Not too much to ask in 30 minutes, is it?
I met first with Physical Therapist (PT) and, again, I liked her. She was no nonsense but kind, at the same time. We went through some Feldenkrais stretches and she, again, explained to me the importance of not overdoing. This is just one lesson I cannot seem to keep in my head. I think I feel so angry at my limited physical capacities and stamina, that I just keep punishing myself by pushing myself and then I cannot do anything. I was dismayed when she told me she already thought I was doing too much by doing some Pilates, some water workouts, some walking, some elipitical bike each week. I want to do more, not less!!
I then met with Occupational Therapist (OT) and this is going to be where I have my hardest time. I truly KNOW what I should do in this area: I know I should sit ergonomically at my desk, I know I can get my five year old to wash his own berries in the morning, I know I should get up half an hour earlier so I don't have to rush. It's the putting into action that I cannot figure out. I felt like OT and I were at a bit of a loss. At least in this initial meeting, I did not feel she had much to share with me and I kept trying to be enthusiastic so she wouldn't think I was being a know-it-all that just said, "Yes, but...." to every suggestion and throw me out of the program. I was a bit crestfallen after that meeting.
My last appointment was with Brain Psychologist (BP) and it is hard also to do any sort of analysis in 30 minutes, especially when you've never talked with this person in any depth before. We did talk about my difficulties with resting and sitting still and NOT doing. This is clearly a deep rooted issue and I am thankful I go to my own therapist where I could really delve in this problem.
So, all in all, I leave my second day of the program a bit less enthusiastic. Thirty minutes is just not adequate time, I believe, in which to create any change.
As the day continued, my mood darkened considerably. I arrived home and the usual chaos was everywhere. My business (http://www.littlestork.com) had a few hiccups that needed attention; I had picked up my son from his last day of Junior Kindergarten and he was so excited and full of energy and he needed every ounce of my attention; my poor husband had just come back from the doctor, diagnosed with bronchitis.
As I surveyed the chaos, I started to feel truly hopeless. I felt like I could have all the best intentions in the world for this program and yet the reality of life (and my own issues) were going to keep me from putting the new ideas into action. It seemed so exciting to sit in these sessions and think about new ways to plan ahead for pain and sensory overload situations. But, being in my complete mess of a house, with my husband (worst patient in the world, btw) sick as a dog and my amazing wonderful son wanting to say to me every single word that is ever in his brain (and you can't not engage with him-he will not be ignored or blown off) and my business requiring just the usual upkeep that any other small business requires, I felt so frustrated and angry and that nothing would ever change for me. It would be one thing if I were a single chick and my only responsibility was myself. I think then that I could really attack these changes. Of course, I didn't back then, either. But I would like to think that, had I had the benefit of a program such as this one, I would have truly incorporated these changes. The thought of putting actual thought into my daily actions in a real way seems impossible. How can I think about how straight my spine is or doing daily meditations (even for five minutes) or take this slowly or plan for going places when they are less crowded or even remembering where my meds are in my chaotic life?

As the day continued, I was snapping and sniping more and more. My husband sat me down and actually put into words what I had been feeling. That smart bastard knows me too damn well, bronchitis or not. He said that we would figure it all out. We would be able to incorporate the changes. Because it is vital to our lives that these changes were made. I was truly so happy to hear him say these things, but it also made me realize that one of the biggest obstacles here was me.
I know that is a pretty standard "psych 101" thing to say. And I know that it's true. I need to say no. I need to plan. I just need to do it, dammit. Do it, dammit. Do it, do it, do it.