WTF happened the first day?

I had to, of course, choose my outfit very carefully for this first day. It's like the first day of school. You don't want to be uncool nor do you want to look like you are trying to hard. THEN, I remembered that we were supposed to wear comfortable clothes. Um, yes, that would make sense, but that makes it even harder. Well, I settled on some lovely velour sweatpants and some very sensible shoes and a big comfy sweatshirt.
I walked into the waiting room and was handed a big white binder. I turned to find another woman waiting, with a white binder, wearing MY SAME OUTFIT! Ok, colors were slightly different, but what a faux pas already. What would Perez Hilton think? It did make me think I would have at least one friend there.
This waiting room, as are all waiting rooms, was inexplicably freezing. While people experience Fibromyalgia differently, we all do not suffer cold gladly. Cold tenses up muscles; we all already experience painful muscle tension. This often seems to escape those that treat Fibro. That and that strong fragrances, especially unnatural ones, cause tremendous headaches and yet, so often, as is the case in my ACUPUNCTURIST'S office, of all places, they have those horrible so-called "air fresheners" plugged in everywhere. ARGH.
It turns out there will only be three of us in this six week program. I had truly expected twenty people, somehow looking like Denis Leary's AA meetings in "Rescue Me." Nope, it was me, my doppelganger and another woman. All clutching our bright shiny new binders as if they were the Holy Grail. Of course, we were all hoping that they would, indeed, turn out to be just that.
We were led into a room inside a larger gym by a woman I liked immediately. She is from Israel and, as she put it, "is tough on the outside, but a softie on the inside." We introduced ourselves and it was then that I realized that my doppelganger was half my age. Half my age. I need new clothes.
Our lovely instructor led us through some stretches and I almost tuned out. I have had no less than 30 PTs show me the same stretches over the years. They never help. I felt defeated already. But, there I was, already underestimating Mima. She actually walked me through how those stretches, done at certain times and with certain accessories, would make it easier to do every day tasks. Here was an important difference. She was pointing out what I needed to do to make it work for me. It was soon obvious that an important word for this boot camp was "ACTIVE" not passive. Mima explained that, due to pain and frustration at experiencing even more pain when being active, fibro patients begin to suffer from lack of muscle tone, which then adds to pain. Keeping any sort of muscle tone is incredibly difficult for Fibro patients, even with working out. Adrenaline is pumped out at inappropriate times, and with nowhere to go, tears muscles. Mima, god bless her, is going to teach us how to be active WITHIN REASON (Fibro patients often have a hard time regulating-anyone who knows me should be shocked by that)and make it work for us. Mima gives us homework. I LOVE HOMEWORK! Binders and homework-I almost skipped down the hall. I need to get a new school skirt and patent leather mary janes and I am good to go.
We then had a break and I, having been gluten, dairy and soy free now for a few weeks, (and also trying to lose 45 pounds in 2 weeks for my impending doom, I mean, 40th birthday) was concerned about where to eat lunch in 45 minutes before our next session. The young girl and I decided to bravee the deli in the building. I am not a deli in the building kind of girl. I have food phobias that have food phobias. That could be its own blog. BUT, I was not going to run to starbucks to get a pretend milk shake disguised as a coffee drink, so i braved their version of Lentil soup, and for a special treat, allowed myself raw almonds. I was pleased(-ish) with the food and proud of my will power (for once.) Young Girl (She'll be YG from now on) and I struck up a conversation and it truly is like having a weight lifted off one's shoulders to talk with someone who has the same experiences as you and understands the frustrations of the every day.
What truly struck me while I was talking to YG is that I WAS YG when this saga started. Now I am Old Girl and that is one of the worst parts of this entire disease for me. I really did, in some illogical part of my brain, think I would somehow get back all the days of my youth that had been afflicted by this disease that made me feel old at 20.
Our second session was entitled "Occupational Therapy." In these sessions, we would learn coping skills for quality of life, for work, for family, etc. We talked about all the things that add to our fatigue, including overdoing (again, with the regulating), sensory overload (we can't handle bright lights, loud music, things like clowns, etc,), emotional stress, poor nutrition, lack of sleep (Fibro patients generally don't get Delta sleep where the body can heal itself), and decreased cognition.
This last point was truly interesting to me. I had experienced my once super sharp brain and eidetic memory disintegrate -this was one of the reasons I had decided to stop working as a lawyer- but it had not truly occurred to me that my lack of "smarts" was making me tired. As the sweet and kind Judy explained to me, having to make your
brain work harder to get through the so-called Fibro Fog, generally created by the fact that your brain is so preoccupied by the chronic pain, makes you even more tired, creating more Fibro fog. COME ON! That hardly seems fair, now does it? Judy sent us off with more HOMEWORK, hurray!!
Our last session was "Psychology." I had assumed that this would be like a group support therapy session, since it does seem very valuable to be able to share similar experiences. The psychiatrist leading our session explained these sessions would actually be about teaching us the psychology of Fibro and how our minds can help us build coping skills. She walked us through the Autonomic Nervous System is wonky is Fibro patients and we can't go to the rest phase that follows a fight or flight response. People see a threat and go in that state. Once the threat has passed, a rest and rebuilding phase kicks in. Not so for us lucky fibro patients. Not only do we not go into the rest phase, our idea of a threat is not always quite what any other person might see as a threat. A lion enters your house-yes we would generally all agree that is a threat. For a fibro patient, someone dropping a glass in another room or a light being too bright can also kick in that fight or flight response. So should you see me beating up a lamp, please be understanding. Obviously, being at such an elevated state of alert at all times burns one out. It literally burns out your adrenals. Being in this state of arousal leaves one unable to heal, rest and manage stress. Aces.
She gave us some great suggestions for beginning coping. Breathing, meditation. Now, obviously, these are ideas that I have heard and even tried before. The difference here is that she understands that a typical Fibro patient might hear-you need to meditate and that patient then feels the need to build a meditation room and buy every meditation tape and perhaps even a buddhist monk (again, that regulation problem). She suggested going to http://marc.ucla.edu/body.cfm?id=22&oTopID=22 and downloading a few of the FIVE minute meditations. Baby steps she says-things that can realistically be incorporated into an already difficult day. She also gave us homework.
I think I am in heaven.